HappyMoogleMustang's Biscuits of Humor
by Happy-Moogle-Mustang
Summary: A weekly drabble contest between hanjuuluver, Jane Austen Girl, NinjaSquirls, and myself! Complete randomness! There will be varying genres and pairings.
1. Rules

Biscuits of Humor

Purpose:

Our stated purpose is to write a weekly drabble within the following requirements, to keep our hand in while being educated. We shall write drabbles! We shall, in point of fact, have a WEEKLY DRABBLE DRAWING contest! The 'we' is NinjaSquirls, hanjuuluver, Happy-Moogle-Mustang and Jane Austen Girl. We depend upon you, dear readers, to rate, in short, our stories. Please do visit the pages of the others and rate them, oh please! It will make us soooo happy… we'll bake you all virtual cookies and give you a mouthwatering description of them. Frequently. Now, onto the…

Rules and Regulations:

Thou shalt rate the drabble on a scale of 1-10, awarding points for whatever thou thinkst best.

There shall be 1000 words or less than 1000 words, no more.

There shall be nothing beyond oranges, which are barest hints of intimate interaction. Kumquats, or kisses, shall be frequent.

The title drawn is the theme.

Five words shall be drawn from the enormous drabble pot to provide the weekly challenge of inclusion

If there is a crossover included, it shall be present in the disclaimerness at the heading. Thou art warned of their possible presence, therefore, rate it on quality, not presence or absence.

The drabble shall be of any genre.

No main character shall die, for that is depressing, even if it does lead to character development. In short, NO DEATH FICS!

There shalt not be the pairings of Royai or EdWin, although any other, including a RoyStrong pairing, is acceptable shudders at mental images and attempts to refrain from rescuing Roy

Finally: The drabble shall be posted at 8:00 on the sixth day following the drawing, should this be possible for the parties involved.


	2. Habitual Acquiescence

Habitual Acquiescence

Required Words/Phrases:  
'short'  
'chibi'  
'midget'  
'squishy'  
'the zipper is evil'

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Ed hates schedules. He dreads the very thought of doing the same thing every day. He wants to do something with his life, not hide behind the mask and safety of a desk job. Hell, he doesn't even follow the same routine each morning. He needs change, craves it. That's why he secretly enjoys the missions Roy sent him on; they shatter the monotonous feeling he gets whenever he's stuck at HQ.

He refuses to believe that his habit of storming into Roy's office after returning from a mission is in fact a habit; the conversations he and Roy have are always different, even though Roy never loses his trademark smirk while Ed fumes at the insults Roy throws at him. Somewhere in Ed's subconscious, he knew he had fallen into the very thing he worked not to, but that part of his mind was subdued by his denial.

The first time Roy kissed him, Ed was shocked. The bastard had called Ed a midget and had (somehow) found the nerve to stop the teen mid-rant. It wasn't exactly a time-stopping kiss, but it made Ed realize how much of a schedule he had developed over the years under Roy's command.

Then Roy had managed to get the cuff of his military jacket stuck in Ed's horrendously large zipper. And while Ed laughed as Roy muttered, "The zipper is evil," he found he was truly thankful for the break.

But that didn't last long. Every time Ed returned, he still stormed into Roy's office and was welcomed by short jokes (Roy discovered that calling Ed 'chibi' different reactions each time he used it) followed by heated kisses in the middle of his tirades. At first it bothered Ed; he didn't want another routine.

Now, after their one-year anniversary, Ed poked at the squishy cake Roy had attempted to bake and smiled at his boyfriend and finally admitted, even if it was only to himself, that maybe, just maybe, it's nice to have something to look forward to.


	3. Perplexed Music

Perplexed Music

A/N: This story is based on the day Jane Austen Girl, NinjaSquirls, hanjuuluver, and I went bowling after we found out school had been cancelled. We had waaaaay too much fun. And yes, NinjaSquirls crushed us all and I really do suck at bowling. At least we had a good time, right?

Required Words/Phrases:  
"Help! Help! I'm being oppressed!"  
'clicky pen'  
"To be or not to be, that is the question; whether 'tis nobler to take arms against a sea of troubles or…"  
"Sometimes it just helps to be upside down."  
"I swear to drunk I'm not God!"

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Roy stared at his surroundings and sighed. It was not a happy sigh. He really didn't want to be here. Really. The place was far too loud; a mixture of cheering, clattering pins, and truly random music filled the air. Roy wondered how he had ended up in a place like this. Then he remembered the pleading look on Ed's face. Yes, Ed had convinced the famous Flame Alchemist to go… bowling!

Roy ignored the stares of confused bowlers as he walked past, holding the rank shoes as far from his body as possible. He had just sat down in the hard, plastic chairs and was attempting to untie the uber-evil knot of doom from one of the shoes when Ed sat down next to him with a large grin plastered on his face. Roy automatically tried to shrink away from his boyfriend.

"Where's Al?" Roy was surprised his voice sounded normal, given how terrified he was.

"He went to the snack bar," Ed replied. He was far too excited. He was literally bouncing, which was never good.

Thanks to his military training, Roy had spotted a close exit and was trying to sneak out quietly. Unfortunately, his bowling shoes decided to squeak just then. Ed gave his boyfriend a questioning look. Roy tried to answer when Al came skipping up to his brother and tackled him, laughing like a madman.

"Hey Al… what did you get at the snack bar?" Ed asked in a concerned voice.

"Just some lemonade. Why? Do you want some? I'll go get some more…" Al was babbling. Roy's eye twitched.

"No, that's ok Al! Let's get started!" Ed answered quickly, exchanging a frightened look with Roy.

Ed and Roy decided to let Al bowl first. They thought that it would help him calm down. Al threw the ball down the lane and jumped up and down when he managed to knock all the pins over. He pushed Ed off his seat next to the scoreboard and grabbed the clicky pen Ed was holding and scribbled his score down.

It was Ed's turn next. He took longer than Al, carefully positioning his feet next to the tiny arrows on the floor before swinging his arm back and watching the ball roll down the lane. Ed grinned when he got a strike too. Al took the liberty of recording Ed's score before clicking the clicky pen multiple times.

"Beat that, Colonel Useless!" Ed said as Roy stood up and took his turn. He took his ball and threw it down the lane, trying his best to ignore the clicking behind him. He sighed in frustration as the ball quickly rolled into the gutter. Roy repeated his procedure a second time only to produce the same results. The annoying clicking stopped immediately.

As Roy walked back to his seat, he noticed the Elric brothers were wearing identical expressions of shock, which he promptly ignored… until Ed started laughing. Roy glared at his boyfriend and did the only thing he could think of – he sat on Ed.

"Help! Help! I'm being oppressed!" was heard faintly from somewhere underneath Roy, who smirked as Al's face paled.

The younger Elric quickly retrieved his ball and threw it at the pins. Sadly for Al, he only hit three pins. He glared at the pins before using all his strength to throw the ball down the lane again… and smiled when he knocked over six of the remaining pins.

Ed managed to wiggle his way out from underneath Roy to take his turn. He glared at Roy, who smirked in return, which turned into a glare as Ed got another strike.

Roy sighed and took his second turn. To his surprise, he managed to knock over half the pins this time and smiled to himself. Maybe he wasn't completely hopeless after all…

The game continued in a similar fashion until halfway through the game, when Al decided Ed was cheating. He started yelling at his older brother, who tried, in vain, to defend himself.

Roy sighed and rubbed his temples. He decided that he needed caffeine if he would survive an Elric brother fight. He snuck away to the snack bar, ordered a large coffee, and was walking back to the lane, muttering under his breath, "To be or not to be, that is the question; whether 'tis nobler to take arms against a sea of troubles or…" Roy trailed off as he stared in horror at the scene before him.

Ed had his back to the alley, and had managed to bend over far enough so he was not only facing the alley, but had his hands close enough to throw the ball down the lane with some degree of precision.(1)

"Ed, what in the world are you doing?" Roy asked.

"Sometimes it just helps to be upside down," the teen replied as he got another strike. "See?" Roy didn't reply. He set his coffee down and took his turn. Once he was finished, he picked up the flimsy Styrofoam cup only to find it was empty.

Someone behind him was giggling and considering the people occupying the lanes surrounding the trio sometime during their game, there was only one logical explanation…

Al was bouncing on the balls of his feet and staring at Roy with complete fascination.

"Al…" Roy started, but the boy quickly cut him off.

"I swear to drunk I'm not God!" the younger Elric proclaimed.

"That's good to know Al. Now let's finish this game." Ed said, staring at his brother as he started his last frame before he sat down next to his boyfriend.

"He drank my coffee!" Roy hissed indignantly at Ed, who laughed. "It's not funny!"

Ed ignored Roy and congratulated his brother, who ended the game with a score of 125.

Both Ed and Roy took their last turns and ended with scores of 200 and a pitiful 85, respectively.

Needless to say, Roy was very glad once they got home that night.

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(1) This was my lame attempt to describe a pose we did in yoga. It's really simple - you stand up and lean backwards as far as you can. Anyway, Ed does have amazing yoga skills 'cause I said so! And everyone should go read Jane Austen Girl's "FMA Yoga" because it's awesome.

A/N: Well... yeah. Totally crack. It was fun to write, though!


	4. Sophia in the Atmosphere

Sophia in the Atmosphere

Sorry for the delay... school was literally hell last week. The good news is that we're finally back on schedule in AP European History so I shouldn't have to kill myself too much.

Required Words/Phrases:  
"Numa Numa"  
"Did you know that hand sanitizer ifs flammable?"  
"Who are you calling drunk? I ain't drunk! You wouldn't dare call me drunk if I was sober!"  
'Substitute'  
"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a large fortune must be in want of a wife."

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Sophia was quite content at the moment; she had a new copy of her favorite book, _Pride and Prejudice_ and her teenaged son had finally decided to shut up for a few blissful moments.

She shifted around in her chair, trying to find the most comfortable position before she began reading. "It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a large fortune must be in want of a…" **_BOOM!_** Sophia sighed. She had really believed this was going to be a peaceful afternoon. She debated whether to drag herself upstairs and investigate when the sound came again, this time followed by faint laughter.

Sophia set the book aside and trudged up the stairs slowly; she really hated trying to figure out what went on in her son's mind. She was positive all of his odd quirks were his father's fault.

As she reached his door, she heard soft music coming from within and groaned.

"Vrais a pleche dar numa numa i-ay, numa numa i-ay numa numa numa i-ay, kipul tow she dragosta din tay, ma mintesc day oki ti-ay!"

"Roy? What are you doing?"

"Who are you calling drunk? I ain't drunk! You wouldn't dare call me drunk if I was sober!"

"I know you're not. Please just tell me what you're doing."

Her son giggled before answering, "Did you know hand sanitizer is flammable?"

"Roy, how many times do I have to tell you not to light things on fire inside? If you feel you must be so destructive, go outside!"

"But…"

"No buts. Do you really want to move again?"

"…No."

"Then go outside and light ants on fire or something." (1)

The door opened slowly and Roy shuffled out. He avoided eye contact as he went downstairs and disappeared out the front door.

Sophia gathered some courage and glanced through the open door, only to discover that some kind of sticky substance covered the walls. She sighed again. _He's cleaning that as soon as he gets home_.

She fought the urge to bang her head against the wall and returned to her beloved chair downstairs and began reading once more; everything seemed normal. She was just getting into the book when a shadow fell across her face. She looked up to see Roy biting his lower lip and staring pointedly at the floor.

"Here," he said, thrusting a bunch of flowers in her hand before practically running from the room.

Sophia smiled. Sure, he was a pain, but she knew there could never be a substitute for her pyromaniac of a son.

"You better clean your room before dinner is ready!" She called after him.

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(1) I swear I remember my mom telling my brother to light ants on fire when we were younger. However, she denies it. Parents can be strange.


End file.
